The Gospel According to St. Andrew says: you are a king. You have no chemical in your neurotic engineering responsible for weak emotions like love and jealousy. So this is how your relationship with Cindy will play out. You and Cindy will be emotionally (and amorously) entangled. Cindy is the…

One day, my father invites me to a wedding. Whose wedding? A cousin’s. Didn’t I remember her? We were inseparable when we were 3. I should try to make it. She would be thrilled to see me. I’m old enough to know that when your father invites you to a…

I have no new pictures to post this year. Today’s my birthday and I’m going to handle it delicately. I’ll not be doing much and I hope I don’t have to. …

Life comes at you fast. On one damp night, I’m sitting at the park at Sunnyvale Junction with Ashraph and my dad, waiting for our fish to absorb all the smoke it needs to become edible. Outside, a car screeches but not fast enough, so it flies right over the zebra crossing and gets stuck…

Do you, when you dip your hand into your pocket to reach for cash, pull out crumpled white transaction receipts instead? Do you find your mailbox littered with subscription renewal notices, bank transaction receipts, and newsletters (that you never read because you were blackmailed into signing up in the first…

Mum: She’s sitting at the edge of your bed, waiting on you to start the usual ceremonies she’s so used to seeing you perform whenever you have to take drugs. You’re coming down with one of those fevers that one cannot hide from the supervisory glare of your household. There are…

I promise to live a bit outside of this simulation. I promise to be more optimistic about existing. I promise to stop being so aware of limitations, and to let my self-will stretch beyond living till I’m 40. I promise to stay away from checking the news to see if…

On your first day on Tinder, you scored 13 matches. After a week there, you’d scored a lot more. Yeah, you still got it. All those killer JPEGs found home in the courting eyes of Abuja women. Your life was looking up and down at the same time — your…

“One babe dey my house”, “Babe dey my house”, “My babe dey my house”, They are all different, know where you stand. -@Bavic9, Twitter Sage. One Babe Dey My House You can barely pronounce her first name, and only remember her last name vaguely. She’s too awfully shy and you can’t even place it. On…