Promise.

I promise to live a bit outside of this simulation. I promise to be more optimistic about existing. I promise to stop being so aware of limitations, and to let my self-will stretch beyond living till I’m 40.

I promise to stay away from checking the news to see if my grief is valid. I promise to be more honest about all of my addictions. I promise to go easier on the medications I lean on. I promise to stop everytime I swear to you that I have.

I promise to be more open about my infirmities, and learn to acknowledge my anxiety more often. I promise to stop bullying my way out of my insecurities. I promise to be braver about my all of my convictions, and to defend my affiliations with you with some more vigor.

I promise to be more comfortable in my moments of joy, and not feel the need to defend the little sparks of glee I get on the run. I promise to react better to being complimented, and to take every warm reception without feeling patronized.

I promise to start my days away from my notifications. I promise to remember to revalidate my affections for you every time I can, and to stop being the reason you fight your gut feelings even when they’re right.

I promise to stop running away from your kind intentions, to take it slower with the poison that keeps me away from the warmth of your affection.

I promise to reach out some more, and become more aware of your arms around my shoulder. I promise to choke your neck just how you like it, and I hope my palms are wide enough to go around it. I promise to promise not to bruise you just before I walk in. Or, I promise not to bitch about the width of your walls when I rock it, and to take your careless snide remarks about my size with a graceful silence.

And I hope to be more understanding about being neglected, and I promise to come to terms with the realization that you too can be as phlegmatic. And I hope that you stop tiptoeing around my heart, so you can fully understand that I’m nothing to you but just another guilty pleasure. But I promise to have some more clarity of purpose, to make my love and hate and love for you even more obvious.

I promise to do less to defend my virtue. I promise to do more to protect my vices. I promise to lie less when it’s convenient. I promise to stop drowning in other people’s thoughts when I sleep, to stop trying to stay awake when I dream. To live beyond the edges of the irony of life.

I promise to live a bit outside of this simulation. I promise to be more optimistic about existing. I promise to stop being so aware of limitations, and to let my self-will stretch beyond living till I’m 40.